Dear 21 Year Old Self,
I'm writing this letter to you from the future so that I may pass on some words of wisdom. I want you to hear my words with an open heart, for I want to save you some heartache, embarrassment, and awkwardness as you fumble your way towards woman hood.
This is what I have found to be true so far:
1) When a man wants you, NOTHING can keep him away.
2) Less is more when it comes to exposed skin.
3) Every woman needs at least one skirt so small that it could double as a belt. However when you are over 25, the skirt should be worn in the bedroom only.
4) Differentiate between friends and acquaintances. Friends will help you move. Friends will come pick you up when you have a flat tire. Friends will feed you soup when you are recovering from chemotherapy.
5) The things you hate most about yourself are the same things you will see as weaknesses in other people. Recognize that when you are focusing on someone else's deficiencies, you are really looking into a mirror at yourself.
6) Your partner should be your best friend. If you cannot let your hair down and take off your makeup in front of him, it's not going to last.
7) Follow your instincts. They are there for a reason, and don't let anyone tell you otherwise.
8) If you don't love yourself, your relationships will not last. You will become attracted to qualities in your partners which you lack in yourself. Then when you have developed those missing qualities by learning from your partner, you will feel you have outgrown him and move on.
9) You can never go wrong with red wine.
10) Burn the candle at both ends for as long as you can. It will put you ahead of the pack now, and frankly you won't be able to keep it up forever so you might as well capitalize on your youth and endless energy.
11) No audition is worth sticking your finger down your throat for. After the gig is done and the work is dried up and everyone has been paid, they don't love you. Only you can love you, so respect yourself girl and remember your worth!
12) Black is always a safe bet
13) When you have hurt someones feelings, SAY YOU ARE SORRY. Period. Remember what your mamma taught you and conduct yourself with class. Or you will lose friends.
14) Right now you assess the attractiveness of an apartment based on how much of a cab ride it is to the nightclubs downtown. Go with it for now. Just know that when you have outgrown the nightclubs you're gonna want more square footage for your $800 a month so be prepared to move east. More importantly, be ok with this.
15) It's ok if you don't want to go out. Staying home, reading a good book and having a bubble bath is a fabulous way to honor your inner diva. Beauty sleep is sexy. Plus you don't want to be one of those girls who parties so hard that they have crows feet and wear too much makeup to hide it, and sound like they hail from a Surrey truckstop.
16) It's also ok if you do go out and get your party on. You don't want to feel like you've missed out on life when you finally do settle down.
17) Listen to your mother. Yes she is a nag, but she's been playing this game of life a hell of a lot longer than you and she knows a thing or two. She also used to be a young woman so she understands what you are going through. Respect her words.
18) Some shoes should be worn in the bedroom only. When you have finally met the right man, he will love that you understand this. Be a lady in public and a whore in bed, and you will make him feel like a king. Be a whore in public, and he'll just be ashamed of you. Whores don't get brought home to meet the parents. Whores get drunk texted in the middle of the night and are asked to leave before his roomate gets home in the morning.
19) Occasionally take a day off work, lay in bed watching kung fu, drinking japanese beer and eating take out chinese. You need to learn to relax sometimes.
20) Just because a man says he is smarter than you doesn't mean that he is.
21) If you get the feeling someone wants something from you, they probably do.
22) Have principles and try to live by them. These will come to define your character as you age.
23) Realize that friendships with the opposite sex should be strictly managed when you are in a relationship with someone. Your partner should be the only person you talk about your deep, real, emotional things with. These shouldn't be discussed with outsiders of the opposite sex. And if you find that you would rather talk with your male friends about your problems than your partner, then you are with the wrong person.
24) Remember that your grandmother was a young woman once. She had an identity that didn't include "grandmother". She had passions, loves, heartbreaks, tough times, violence, fear, excitement, adventure, and a first name. She knows a thing or two about life. Ask her what she knows before its too late.
25) A true friend will forgive you for your flaws. You should do the same.
26) People will judge you on how little or how much money you make. Accept this and realize that in the end all that matters is that you've lived a life worth living.
27) Regret the things you HAVEN'T done, rather than those that you have.
28) Respect your elders.
29) VIP at a nightclub doesn't mean that you are better than anyone else. Nor does cutting in front of the line. It's what we do during the light of day that tends to define us. When you are 80 no one will care if you used to get VIP at the club every night. They will care if you made an impact on the world, left a legacy, changed people's lives, taught them anything, or made the world a better place.
30) If you can't fart in each other's presence without a sense of humor, it's just not going to work out.
I love you 21 Year Old Self! Have a ball and live life to the fullest, and I'll see you in a few years.
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