What I learned in my 30th year

When I am 75 I will show this to my grandchildren to remind them that I was once young and awesome too.

Well, it's been  year since my last annual birthday blog post. Rather than lament my aging body and the fact that the pillow leaves creases on my face until lunchtime, I'm going to do a quick and dirty run down on the things I learned this year:



No One Cares About Your Creative Projects More Than You Do
I am the artistic director of a dance company. I also run a vegan recipe blog. I also develop and teach movement curriculum for a well known acting school. Last year I choreographed over twenty dances, several of them winning heavily in our regional competition circuit. I also choreographed for a musical.

All the creative work I do has taught me that if you don't care about your book/screenplay/dance/lesson plan/film/show/fundraiser, no one will. So you better step up and get to work!

Take Care Of Your Teeth.
I wound up having an emergency root canal this summer (not covered by my crap private medical plan). My dentist was so negligent that he refused to prescribe me antibiotics, despite several requests to come in and see him or get him to prescribe me medicine over the phone. I ended up in emergency with a high fever and had to be given IV antibiotics (and morphine...hell yea) because they were scared of the infection going into my bloodstream, brain and heart.

So like your mother told you, BRUSH YOUR TEETH!

Mind Your Manners
When you make a mistake, admit it. Period.

Learn to Trust
Some people believe that trust means knowing that someone won't hurt you. But trust, by it's very definition, means not knowing if you can trust someone, and trusting them anyways.

Common Sense
If the captain is running on deck, abandon ship.

Chemicals and Such
Everything gives you cancer. So do what you can to mitigate the damage.

Plant a Garden
Gardens are awesome. So is growing your own food.


So here we go, year 31! I'm ready for whatever this year brings. At the end of my life, I don't care if I have wrinkles so long as they were born from laugh lines :)

The Vogue theatre- A performance to remember

This sunday June 27, 2010 my hip hop crew Make Your Mark will be performing in the Harbour Dance Centre show at the historic Vogue theatre. I'm super excited about this because the theatre has just received a state of the art makeover. The theatre has been a favorite venue to many famous musicians over the years, so it's neat to think I'll be gracing the same stage, warming up in the same dressing rooms.

At the age of 16, I took the #351 bus downtown from sleepy White Rock just to volunteer as an usher at the Vogue. My musical theatre teacher at the time told me that ushering was the best way to see the shows for free. She was right.

 I remember sitting in the back row at 42nd Street, breathless and inspired. The tap dancing, the singing, the showmanship! I remember thinking to myself "One day, I'll be on that stage!". And now it's finally come true.

I've performed at many other famous stages and venues in vancouver, but the Vogue holds a sentimental value for me because it represented the start of a dream for me. The start of a career in the performing arts that has been my lifeblood, my solace, my saving grace.

So, here's to a dream finally realized. A dream brought to fruition. Yea, I know I'm not the headliner and it's not my name on the marquis...but I'll settle for having the name of my show up there :)

A Mother

A Mother

Always has a band aid for your owies

Loves when you call, and wonders when you don’t

Folds your laundry when you are home, even your underwear

Patiently waits to hear you say “You were right mom”

Protects you from your noisy, gross, bossy big brothers

Talks to your father for you whenever you can’t

Will always be a better housekeeper than you

Will stand by your side, right or wrong

Brings your soup when you are sick

Criticizes because she loves you

Teaches you how to be a lady

Wants the world for you

Kisses the tears away

Sacrifices, always

Worries, always

Loves

She Takes Her Bath At Night

She Takes Her Bath At Night

I am 6 and my mother is taking her nightly bath. She always uses Dove soap on her skin. She emerges from the tub warm and radiant, and she smells beautiful. She turns to me and says “and now it’s your turn!” I am bubbling with excitement. It is my favourite thing in the world to get into mom’s bath water when she is done.

She lets me bring in empty shampoo and perfume bottles, which I fill and empty with the milky bath water. I do this endlessly and never tire of it. Sometimes I pretend that I am dying of a mysterious, romantic illness and the only cure is to pour the warm water over my head.

My mother is downstairs getting desert ready for me. She shouts up the stairs “Do you want Neapolitan ice cream? It’s a mix of chocolate, strawberry and vanilla!” Not fully understanding her question, I shout that I want chocolate and go back to the very serious business of washing my Barbie. Barbie needs to have her hair washed, just like me. This gives me comfort.

Now I am 8, and the soap is all different now. Someone has put Irish Spring in the bathtub. My mother no longer takes her baths in the big bathroom anymore. She goes in her own bathroom, which is in her bedroom. I’m not allowed in there unless I ask because that’s where she hides Christmas presents and junk food and nasty things that she confiscates from my brothers’ rooms. My brothers and I have a bathroom to ourselves, and it is overrun with teenage boy stuff. There is shaving cream, razors, deodorant, and all of it smelly. I am growing up to be a big girl now and I mustn’t have baths in my mother’s leftover bathwater.

I take a solitary bath in my own bathwater, and I am beginning to like this. I am completely fascinated with a crystal bottle which I found in the pantry. I fill it up with water and pretend that it’s full of perfume. I dab this behind my ears and on my wrists, where my nana tells me a lady is to place her scent. I imagine that I am a princess like She-Ra and that my magical perfume will bring me a handsome prince.

I don’t mind that my bath is taken with Irish Springs, because we have to use what we have and we can’t be wasteful, and the Dove soap stays in mom’s bathroom. I miss the soap but it doesn’t ever occur to me to ask for some of my own.

Sometimes, when mom and dad go out for a fancy dinner and mom puts on her makeup and perfume and high heels, I am allowed to go into her bathwater. I love this because it makes me feel like a baby again, which is nice because when you are 8 no one thinks you are cute anymore.

Now I am 12 and I have become obsessed with bath beads from the Body Shop. I take these into the tub with me at night, and instead of putting them in the water I use a syringe and draw out the scent oil and inject it into a little glass vial. When I get out of the tub, I dab the oil behind my ears like a true lady. Then I take the rest of it, rub it in my palms, and smooth it over my hair, which has become my enemy. I have a horrible mop of horse hair which is neither curly nor straight and it’s the bane of my existence. I want to cut it into a bob but mom says she will never let me cut my hair off.

Every night I smooth the oil over my hair, hoping it will smooth it out and make it dead straight like the Asian girls on tv. I must be the only Korean girl in the world who doesn’t have bone straight, limp, asian hair. I hate my looks and I hate my hair and every night I get into the tub hoping that tonight’s bathbead will make a difference. White Musk? Failed. Satsuma? Failed. Green apple? Stawberry? Dewberry? Failed! Failed! Failed!

My brother finds my syringe and needle kit in my drawer, along with the vials of oil and some empty analgesic packages that were in the bag with it when I got it from my friend Trisha’s house. Her dad was in the business of selling pharmaceuticals and had tons of clean hypodermic needles in his sample kit. My brother told my mother and I got a lecture from them both as they were convinced I was injecting myself in the leg with painkillers every night in the bath to deal with my injuries from dance. I felt so silly telling them the truth. I think my mom understood because that year she let me cut my hair short for the first time in my life.

Now I am 15 and I’m watching my mother wash her hair in the sink before she heads to work in the morning. I wonder why she just doesn’t just shower in the morning like everyone else. She says she needs to have her bath at night, and she doesn’t like to shower in the morning. She just needs to wash her hair so it’s easy to style for the day. I am 15 and incredulous and full of attitude, and I just don’t get it.

Now I am 21 and home from college, staying with my parents for the summer. It’s evening and my mother is running the tub. I ask her “Why do you always have a tub at night mom?” and she says “I just always have. I like my tub at night, it helps me relax.” Then my father comes into the bathroom and playfully pulls her to him and says in a gruff voice “I like my women clean! Who wants to go to sleep next to a dirty woman?” My mom pushes him away, smiling and looking at him like he’s just done a cheeky stunt that she disapproves of, but secretly thinks is funny. That moment is a microcosm of my parents marriage, and I suddenly feel like I’m in the middle of an inside joke between the two of them. I slip out the bathroom door, smiling.

Now I am 28 and I have my own family. I am running the tub for my 7 year old stepson. He is bringing all his Hot Wheels into the tub with him. He pretends they are driving around the edge of the tub and doing extreme jumps into the water. He insists on wearing his swimming goggles and runs the water til he can completely submerge himself and try to see underwater like a suburban Jacque Cousteau. I wash his hair and use an giant cup from Stardust Casino in Las Vegas to rinse the soap out of his eyes. He stands up to get out of the tub and I wrap him in a big fluffy towel.

He asks what’s for desert and my fiancé lists off a number of junk food options, which I disapprove of but don’t object to. We put him to bed, and he drifts off on the afterglow of a perfect bubble bath.

Later, when the house is dark and my fiancé is in bed reading a book, I go into the bathroom, light a few candles, and I run my tub. I slip beneath the bubbles and completely submerge myself. I am weightless, unburdened, and free. When I’m done I wrap myself in a big fluffy towel, tiptoe into the bedroom, and slide into bed. I am warm, I am beautiful. I am a clean woman. My eyes close and feel myself sink into a perfect sleep.

Dear 21 year old self

Dear 21 Year Old Self,

I'm writing this letter to you from the future so that I may pass on some words of wisdom. I want you to hear my words with an open heart, for I want to save you some heartache, embarrassment, and awkwardness as you fumble your way towards woman hood.

This is what I have found to be true so far:

1) When a man wants you, NOTHING can keep him away.

2) Less is more when it comes to exposed skin.

3) Every woman needs at least one skirt so small that it could double as a belt. However when you are over 25, the skirt should be worn in the bedroom only.

4) Differentiate between friends and acquaintances. Friends will help you move. Friends will come pick you up when you have a flat tire. Friends will feed you soup when you are recovering from chemotherapy.

5) The things you hate most about yourself are the same things you will see as weaknesses in other people. Recognize that when you are focusing on someone else's deficiencies, you are really looking into a mirror at yourself.

6) Your partner should be your best friend. If you cannot let your hair down and take off your makeup in front of him, it's not going to last.

7) Follow your instincts. They are there for a reason, and don't let anyone tell you otherwise.

8) If you don't love yourself, your relationships will not last. You will become attracted to qualities in your partners which you lack in yourself. Then when you have developed those missing qualities by learning from your partner, you will feel you have outgrown him and move on.

9) You can never go wrong with red wine.

10) Burn the candle at both ends for as long as you can. It will put you ahead of the pack now, and frankly you won't be able to keep it up forever so you might as well capitalize on your youth and endless energy.

11) No audition is worth sticking your finger down your throat for. After the gig is done and the work is dried up and everyone has been paid, they don't love you. Only you can love you, so respect yourself girl and remember your worth!

12) Black is always a safe bet

13) When you have hurt someones feelings, SAY YOU ARE SORRY. Period. Remember what your mamma taught you and conduct yourself with class. Or you will lose friends.

14) Right now you assess the attractiveness of an apartment based on how much of a cab ride it is to the nightclubs downtown. Go with it for now. Just know that when you have outgrown the nightclubs you're gonna want more square footage for your $800 a month so be prepared to move east. More importantly, be ok with this.

15) It's ok if you don't want to go out. Staying home, reading a good book and having a bubble bath is a fabulous way to honor your inner diva. Beauty sleep is sexy. Plus you don't want to be one of those girls who parties so hard that they have crows feet and wear too much makeup to hide it, and sound like they hail from a Surrey truckstop.

16) It's also ok if you do go out and get your party on. You don't want to feel like you've missed out on life when you finally do settle down.

17) Listen to your mother. Yes she is a nag, but she's been playing this game of life a hell of a lot longer than you and she knows a thing or two. She also used to be a young woman so she understands what you are going through. Respect her words.

18) Some shoes should be worn in the bedroom only. When you have finally met the right man, he will love that you understand this. Be a lady in public and a whore in bed, and you will make him feel like a king. Be a whore in public, and he'll just be ashamed of you. Whores don't get brought home to meet the parents. Whores get drunk texted in the middle of the night and are asked to leave before his roomate gets home in the morning.

19) Occasionally take a day off work, lay in bed watching kung fu, drinking japanese beer and eating take out chinese. You need to learn to relax sometimes.

20) Just because a man says he is smarter than you doesn't mean that he is.

21) If you get the feeling someone wants something from you, they probably do.

22) Have principles and try to live by them. These will come to define your character as you age.

23) Realize that friendships with the opposite sex should be strictly managed when you are in a relationship with someone. Your partner should be the only person you talk about your deep, real, emotional things with. These shouldn't be discussed with outsiders of the opposite sex. And if you find that you would rather talk with your male friends about your problems than your partner, then you are with the wrong person.

24) Remember that your grandmother was a young woman once. She had an identity that didn't include "grandmother". She had passions, loves, heartbreaks, tough times, violence, fear, excitement, adventure, and a first name. She knows a thing or two about life. Ask her what she knows before its too late.

25) A true friend will forgive you for your flaws. You should do the same.

26) People will judge you on how little or how much money you make. Accept this and realize that in the end all that matters is that you've lived a life worth living.

27) Regret the things you HAVEN'T done, rather than those that you have.

28) Respect your elders.

29) VIP at a nightclub doesn't mean that you are better than anyone else. Nor does cutting in front of the line. It's what we do during the light of day that tends to define us. When you are 80 no one will care if you used to get VIP at the club every night. They will care if you made an impact on the world, left a legacy, changed people's lives, taught them anything, or made the world a better place.

30) If you can't fart in each other's presence without a sense of humor, it's just not going to work out.

I love you 21 Year Old Self! Have a ball and live life to the fullest, and I'll see you in a few years.

$3.00 Kebabs at a Strip Bar

Today I meter parked in front of The Penthouse, a Vancouver strip club.

As I got into my car I noticed a sign that read "$3.00 Kebabs!" in the window. The sign was hastily printed on cheap 8.5 x 11 inch copy paper in the default Times New Roman font, indicating that its creator cared so little about the sign that they only bothered to change the font size.

What the hell is this??? A nudy bar, which has NAKED LADIES inside has to use bargain basesment prices on skewers of meat as a selling point? What kind of strippers do they have working there?

Another thought occurs. What kind of meat could they possibly be selling for $3.00?

Suddenly images of a gang run, money laundering operation spring to mind. Like something out of a sopranos episode. A dark, heavily mustachiod man dressed in a white suit arrives with a suspicous looking black garbage bag. He whispers to the barkeep to open the meat locker, and the moist bag and its suspicious contents are whisked away. He sits down, drains a Scotch on the rocks and summons a waitress to his side. His lips move imperceptably by her ear, and she goes scurrying to the back office. Minutes later, a sign reading "$3.00 Kebabs!" appears in the front window. The mustachiod man lights up a Cuban and gazes blankly at the ungulating native girl on the stage through the thick, white smoke.

Grinding to Britney Spears at our weddings?

I have often noticed that most weddings have a selection of music which appeals to the younger and the older guest alike. The playlist will swing frenetically back and forth between classic crowd pleasers from my parent's generation, to throbbing present day club anthems.

When our granchildren get married, will the Dj be playing 'oldies' like Britney Spears and Beyonce and Lady Gaga to humor the old folk? Will we driven to bump and grind on the dance floor when a classic song like "Single Ladies" or "Push it" comes on?

Or is there just something intrinsically good about certain songs that makes them stand the test of time, and hence deems them to be a classic wedding reception playlist must-have?

I suppose time will tell. Until then, I will hold my breath and wait for the day when I can booty drop to Sean Paul's "Shake that thing" on the dance floor with my walker, while my grandchildren watch in horror.